Why is it so difficult for me to be alright. Every fucking thing seems so difficult to deal with. It feels like I'm loosing interest in the concept of life itself. It feels so heavy on my shoulder.. My heart feels so heavy.
When I sit near a sea I feel like how easy it looks just to be inside it. Just loosing control over everything. Just going with the flow.
I understand that the things in my life are the ones I wished for once. But at this moment in my life I really don't know what I want. What makes me happy. I don't remember the time I was actually happy and not fake laughing it.
The weekdays goes by because I will be around people, keeping myself busy with the work I don't have a clue about. I come back in the evening and I don't know what to do now. Keeping myself busy with chats and calls so that I don't feel pain of over thinking things. Then the struggle begins to fall asleep. And by the time I actually sleep the next day arrives and I think may be this will be different but guess what it isn't.
The weekends are the worst. Nobody to distract my mind off things. I don't wanna start cribbing about my problems when everyone is trying to deal with their own. May be writing about it is my way of handling things.
Sometimes I wish I wasn't like this. I wasn't a deep thinker, I wasn't understanding because ultimately these are the things that create problems. I just feel I'm always drowning.. In the thoughts which are sometimes not even relevant.
I just wish I has someone who would just listen to things I have to say without any judgment or suggestions like I listen to others. I wish I could say things I'm thinking.
I just wish it were so easy.
When I sit near a sea I feel like how easy it looks just to be inside it. Just loosing control over everything. Just going with the flow.
I understand that the things in my life are the ones I wished for once. But at this moment in my life I really don't know what I want. What makes me happy. I don't remember the time I was actually happy and not fake laughing it.
The weekdays goes by because I will be around people, keeping myself busy with the work I don't have a clue about. I come back in the evening and I don't know what to do now. Keeping myself busy with chats and calls so that I don't feel pain of over thinking things. Then the struggle begins to fall asleep. And by the time I actually sleep the next day arrives and I think may be this will be different but guess what it isn't.
The weekends are the worst. Nobody to distract my mind off things. I don't wanna start cribbing about my problems when everyone is trying to deal with their own. May be writing about it is my way of handling things.
Sometimes I wish I wasn't like this. I wasn't a deep thinker, I wasn't understanding because ultimately these are the things that create problems. I just feel I'm always drowning.. In the thoughts which are sometimes not even relevant.
I just wish I has someone who would just listen to things I have to say without any judgment or suggestions like I listen to others. I wish I could say things I'm thinking.
I just wish it were so easy.
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